Confidence.
Confidence lies at the heart of most of the issues in our everyday lives. Imagine going through your life with no confidence whatsoever. (Perhaps you find this scenario a little too close to home. Don't worry; that's what this post is all about!) Everything you do becomes hundreds of times more difficult. In fact, having little or no confidence makes it difficult to even try. This is the first secret to confidence.
Don't be afraid to try new things, old things, anythings and everythings! ...one fish, two fish? (Dr. Seuss just rolled over in his grave right there.)
Let me tell you a little something. If you don't ever try anything, you have zero possibility of succeeding at anything. Simple logic. "Fine," you say, "But if I don't try, I also won't ever fail." However, consider this: what is failure? Allow me, for a moment, to pull a rather cliché card and quote you a dictionary.com definition:
"1. An act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success."
In the very first definition, we are given three simple words "-lack of success". Remember what we said about trying? According to this most basic and simplistic definition, if you don't try, you are always doomed to failure. But this is just a dictionary definition. What really matters is what you think. This idea is the basis of confidence.
Imagine, for a moment, that you could attempt anything right now with no chance of failure. Anything at all, and you are 100% guaranteed success. What would you do?
It is clear that to many, confidence is a hard grasped concept. According to the Wall Street Journal (and I'm sure, by now, a number of other sources), the number one fear in America is public speaking. Death rates second on the list. Well, you don't have to speak in public if you're dead. Or maybe you do. I really wouldn't know, never having died myself. If you do, a rather large group of people are going to be pretty disappointed.
Naturally, public speaking is not the only test of confidence we face in our lives; it just happens to be one of the most obvious. It's one people think of quite often, and confidence is quite key to it. In reality, it might be more accurate to say that the number one fear in America is lack of confidence. I think that would nicely cover quite a few categories of fears.
In order to be confident, you have to... be confident. Allow me to elaborate. Confidence is something that often seems to be something you either have or don't. It is often viewed as an inborn ability, not something you can do anything about later on in the game. This isn't true. Confidence is just like any other skill; it can be learned. No, it's not easy. But that doesn't mean that it's not possible. Thus, back to my original statement: in order to be confident, you have to be confident. Choose to be confident. Practice being confident by forcing yourself to try new things. Don't be hard on yourself when you don't immediately achieve the results you want, and be sure to give yourself credit for trying in the first place! That is a huge step to take, and will already set you apart from many others.
Naturally, public speaking is not the only test of confidence we face in our lives; it just happens to be one of the most obvious. It's one people think of quite often, and confidence is quite key to it. In reality, it might be more accurate to say that the number one fear in America is lack of confidence. I think that would nicely cover quite a few categories of fears.
In order to be confident, you have to... be confident. Allow me to elaborate. Confidence is something that often seems to be something you either have or don't. It is often viewed as an inborn ability, not something you can do anything about later on in the game. This isn't true. Confidence is just like any other skill; it can be learned. No, it's not easy. But that doesn't mean that it's not possible. Thus, back to my original statement: in order to be confident, you have to be confident. Choose to be confident. Practice being confident by forcing yourself to try new things. Don't be hard on yourself when you don't immediately achieve the results you want, and be sure to give yourself credit for trying in the first place! That is a huge step to take, and will already set you apart from many others.
One of my favorite personal analogies for confidence is board breaking in Tae Kwon Do. I've been breaking boards for a number of years now, but every time I do it, it's still a head game. It illustrates the art of confidence quite well for me. Board breaking involves power and a lot of technique. However, when it really comes down to it, it's about mind over matter. I know, when I face the board before me, that it will only break if I know it will break. If there is doubt in my mind, the board will laugh and mock and stay as solid as the tree it came from.
But when I have the confidence I need; when I picture the board splintering and cracking in two... when there is not a single doubt in my mind as I line up to break it that it is history- that is a feeling like no other. Nothing can stop me from powering through those boards. You could put a tree in front of me and I'd be determined to crack it down.
Find what gives you that focus. That is a perfect starting point for confidence building, however small you may think it is. Everyone has to start somewhere; and you won't get anywhere without practice. Yes, you even have to practice confidence. And here you thought I was going to let you off easy.
So get practicing! There's no time like the present. (It's a gift and all that- I'm just full of clichés today, eh?)
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